Every
Fourth of July I dress my two young daughters in various ensembles of red,
white, and blue. We attend parades, barbecues, and firework displays. I smile
as they recite the Pledge of Allegiance, which they learned at school. I teach
them to be respectful when people stand in silence for the National Anthem. Over
the years I have done this all without much thought. I’ve only recently
realized that I’m training my daughters to participate in the performance of
patriotism even though I struggle with the concept and sentiment myself.
I
didn’t always struggle with it. But I didn’t always really think about it much
either. My Fourth of July memories from childhood consist of family vacations
and playing with sparklers. The holiday was never one that found me
contemplating or discussing U.S. history. Even still, I think I was – or felt –
patriotic when I was young. After all, I was a choir girl from childhood
adulthood and knew the words and harmonies to every patriotic American song out
there. And I firmly recall feeling moved when I sang them. But then that
changed.
For
many the attacks of September 11th heightened or awakened their
patriotic sentiment (as is not uncommon during times of war). It had the
opposite effect on me. Two events forever changed my learned patriotic impulses.
The first was my experience student teaching in a high school where 90% of the
student population was Arab American. I vividly remember the day when many of
my female students who wore hijabs came into my class in tears recounting the
racist slurs that were cast at them as they walked to school. They were
American citizens and they had cried on 9/11 for the attacks on their country
but yet they faced immediate discrimination.
I will never forget how our school received multiple bomb threats and we
had to herd hundreds of scared students through the process of evacuating the
building. I was horrified at how people justified hateful behavior in the name
of keeping their country safe. I still am.
The
second experience that helped stomp out my patriotic sentiment happened on a
random night at a local piano bar only weeks after 9/11. I was there with my
best friend, my boyfriend, and his brother. Unsurprisingly, the dueling
pianists played many patriot songs throughout the night. When they launched
into “Proud to be an American,” my boyfriend and I stood and sang. It was one of
my favorite American tribute songs and thanks to my choral training I knew each
and every word. My boyfriend, a thespian happy to perform at any occasion,
belted out every word with me. When the song ended we sat down at our table and
a blonde haired, blue eyed college girl came over and began directing a slew of
racist comments to my boyfriend. She ended with the directive: “go back to your
country.” When she left the four of us
sat bewildered and uncomfortable. We had no idea why she crossed the room to
yell at us. One explanation was that my boyfriend was Mexican-American and her
comments implied she mistook him for being Middle Eastern. Still, we didn’t
understand why she was yelling at him right after he had stood and sung a
pro-America song. Had she meant to yell at his brother (who, not being the sing-with-the-crowd-type,
did not stand)? With all his theater
flair had my boyfriend made a flamboyant hand gesture that she mistook as being
disrespectful? We couldn’t figure out
what we had done to warrant such rage.
Moments
later this same girl marched up to the piano players and paid them to play
“America the Beautiful.” The four of us
exchanged apprehensive glances and this time we all rose as the chords began to
play. On her way back through the crowd the girl again stopped at our table and
said, “yeah, that’s right, you better stand.”
The next few minutes are a blur. Well, except for the emotions I had. I
don’t think I’ll ever forget the anger I felt toward this girl. Despite normally
being the non-confrontational type, I launched into a string of insults
(punctuated with profanity) and ended my diatribe by throwing my drink in her
face. I remember defiantly storming out of the bar (although my friends insist we
were about to get kicked because of my reaction). I proudly tell this story of
my first and only “bar fight,” but what I often leave out of the story is how
it changed me. From that day onward I’ve had a visceral reaction every time I
hear “Proud to be an American.” I feel
sick and angry. Those feelings attached themselves – to a lesser extent – to other
patriotic songs as well. It’s taken years for that Pavlovian-like reaction to
subside. And it hasn’t completely.
After
these formative moments I went on to become a post-9/11 television scholar who
studied the ways in which the media and popular culture endorsed a certain form
of patriotism in the wake of the attack: blind patriotism. To be an American after
the attacks meant to buy into the rhetoric of “us versus them” and to support
the government and its leaders without question. It was a time of feeling not thinking. For example, Americans
affixed flags to their gas-guzzling cars as a sign of patriotic loyalty, but
didn’t question our dependence on fossil fuel that was again leading us to war.
Fifteen
years after the attack, the 2016 Presidential Election highlighted how the
struggle continues when it comes to defining what it means to be a “good”
American with one candidate claiming we needed to “make American great again”
and another claiming that American was already great “because we are good.” The
year since that election has made me revisit what I think it means to be a
“good” American and what I think it means to be patriotic. It’s a lot more than
performance. It’s a lot more than knowing the words to a bunch of songs. It’s
actually hard work… or it should be.
I stood
with hundreds of thousands of people at the Women’s March in D.C. the day after
Donald Trump’s inauguration. The crowd was decorated with signs that argued
“Dissent is Patriotic” and the chant “This is What Democracy Looks Like” recurred
at regular intervals. It was at that my moment that I thought to myself: “yes, this
is what it means to be a patriot.” That
day while people debated on Twitter about whether the hashtag #NotMyPresident
was anti-American or not, I worked to re-conceptualize my own thoughts about
patriotism. It is these that I hope to relay to my daughters.
Patriotism
is not blind. It is not about seeing our country’s history through rose colored
glasses; it is about critically examining the past, acknowledging our darkest
moments, and strategically working to never glorify or repeat them. (Those
fighting to keep Confederate Monuments in place obviously do not share my
definition of patriotism.) It is not
about supporting the government and its leaders without exception; it is about
holding them accountable for the ways in which they represent and lead this
country. It is not only about celebrating our country’s values and accomplishments,
it is also about working hard (individually and collectively) to ensure that we
continue to live up to those values and that our successes have a positive
impact on the world. It is about accepting that one can have complex,
contradictory feelings about our country and still be a “patriot.”
I felt
the complexity of my own American pride this past summer when I attended the
Naval Retirement of a friend. I sat through the ceremony and was, unquestionably,
moved as they discussed the unknown sacrifices that those in service make for
us on a daily basis. At one point I looked down at my side where my two
daughters sat and I realized I was happy that they there taking in this message.
Mentally I added another footnote to my complicated definition of patriotism: it
is the ability to support our men and women in the military, even when I don’t
support the wars they are sent off to fight or the administration that sends
them there.
I’m not
sure how any parent goes about teaching their child about patriotism, but know
how I plan to teach them about this important concept. By taking them along
with me to protests that fight for human and environmental rights. By
explaining to them why I support the decision to peacefully sit, kneel, or lock
arms during the National Anthem as a protest against the systematic racial
inequality that still plagues this nation. By supplementing their in-school
history lessons with knowledge about the parts of American history that are
often erased. By teaching them to think critically about social issues and
government actions. By encouraging them to vote for the leaders they want and
to demand more from the ones they get. But all that said, I will also support
their desire to recite the pledge of allegiance, stand for the national anthem,
and to sing any patriotic song they want… as long as they understand that the
First Amendment assures that no one is required to do so. And, I’ll also probably continue to dress them
in red, white, and blue every Fourth of July because I never pass up the
opportunity to thematically coordinate their attire.